• Anne Anderson

3 Types of Loneliness

Being alone, alone.

In a relationship and feeling alone.

In a crowd and feeling alone - alone.

But how do we dissect this scrambled egg loneliness problem, and separate the yolk from the white, from the shell?

When I first felt lonely, I self-diagnosed myself as ‘mad.’

Having a voice inside my head repeating shame filled thoughts only confirmed my worst fears. There was no-way that I was ‘normal.’ Nor could I talk to anyone about it because of the shame. So I masked it with busyness, isolation for 20 years.

One day I heard - busyness is a sin.

A sin – no!

. Committing adultery is a sin. But on reflection what I was doing - was wrong to myself, which is a sin. My health, and wellbeing was on the line, and the wellbeing of the people around. I was manic; manic busy, running on adrenaline, losing sleep, eating constantly. Of course Loneliness affects it socially excludes you too.

Today, talking about mental health is ok. Talking about our ‘monkey mind voice’ carries no shame, nor stigma. Lockdown has given us all the time to recognise, listen and concentrate on how it controls us.

Why is it called a Monkey Mind, as monkey’s are fun animals, not cruel vindictive nasty parasites, making ugly mind games that gloop, curdle, warm and churn eggs into scrambled egg which coincidently reflect a brain, that tells us we are lonely - 24/7 -when actually we are not. We are the egg fork- wielders who can chop through the mass and find out which type of loneliness we suffer from.

By separating the yolk, the white the shell, we can remember common sense and unearth our values and recognise when we are lonely and when we are not.

Alone, I have always been productive and successful. In a relationship, not so because I have matched my then level of self worth, rather that my level of connection – which has left me isolated and physically alone-yet happy to be with myself again. In a crowd I always struggled, maybe because I get sucked into community egos.

Today I would say I am aiming to not belong anywhere, apart from inside my own skin. I want to become an egg that recognises when it ‘s being shaken. I want to treat loneliness’s feeling as a warning then look at what I am doing and what I am needing in that moment. It’ll help me regain control and overcome loneliness’ ache instead of its spillage


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